


Servants of Death

by Deanne Gabriel (youtomyme)



Series: The Servants of Death [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Assassins, M/M, Romance, fictional religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7713793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youtomyme/pseuds/Deanne%20Gabriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Assassin Gilbert and young priest Amator meet for, apparently, the second time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Servants of Death

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GreenPhoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenPhoenix/gifts).



> Disclaimer: This piece was not written to emulate or reflect any real-life religion that the author knows of. ~~Whether or not it reflects the author's real life religious views is more up to debate.~~

When Amator woke up in the middle of the night to a strange man sitting in his bedroom armchair, he didn’t panic as most people in his situation surely would have. As a matter of fact, Father Daley had warned him of this before: the lost and the timid could seek help at any time, and it was their job to offer guidance at all times. Then his eyes adjusted to the gloom, he saw the tall, broad-chested man with yellow hair and trimmed, golden beard, and was surprised to find that he recognised him.

‘Good evening, Mr Peterson,’ Amator said as normally if he’d been interrupted during work instead of during the night. ‘I’m so pleased to see you again. Though rather far from home. Perhaps there is something I can do for you?’

‘When I was told that my target was a young priest in a little temple, I _did_ think of you,’ Gilbert Peterson said quietly. ‘But I thought the world would be too big for that.’

‘Target?’ Amator said politely, trying to push his hair out of his eyes. His hair was always impossible to control before he had showered.

‘Yes, Mr Amator. Tell me, what have you done to make someone want to kill you?’

‘I don’t know.’ Amator’s hand froze, and then dropped, his heart beating very fast. ‘Is that why you’re here? To kill me?’

‘That’s why I was sent here.’

‘It’s a sin for a human to take lives as he sees fit. Only Nara-Kami can take lives as he chooses.’

Even in the darkness, Amator could feel Gilbert’s incredulous stare.

‘I’m an _assassin_. Do you still not understand? This is my _job_.’

‘There are better and more moral jobs you can choose to take.’ Amator sat up, a little flame of hope alighting in his chest. ‘I can even find you a job in the temple. You would be able to seek repentance -‘

‘No, no.’ Gilbert waved a hand. ‘I don’t want - look, I don’t believe in any of the gods, okay?’

‘That’s fine. What about the rights of humanity?’

Possibly Gilbert rolled his eyes. Amator couldn’t see.

‘I was sent here to kill Amator, the priest of Nara-Kami, the god of death. Is that you?’ Amator nodded. ‘Good. But I’m not going to kill you.’

Amator smiled, hugely relieved. ‘How wrong I was to judge you so unfairly -‘

‘Yet. It’s against my code of honour to kill anyone I owe a debt to.’

His honesty almost got the better of him and made him say that he couldn’t remember when Gilbert ever owed him anything. This was only his second time meeting the man.

‘So from now on, I shall follow you in your daily activities until I find a way to repay you.’

‘Oh.’

It was still very early, and Amator had had a long night. It would appear that he was not going to die now, and that was all that mattered for tonight.

‘I see,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow then, Mr Peterson. Good night.’ He lay down and was asleep before he could hear Gilbert leave.

Fortunately, Gilbert was nowhere to be found when Amator woke up and began getting ready for the day. He didn’t consider the possibility that it had been a dream. He didn’t get dreams like that. And anyway, he soon found Gilbert sitting on the steps of the temple, his elbows propped on his knees and his chin in his hands.

‘Maybe a little peace and quiet won’t be so bad,’ he murmured without even looking around as Amator approached.

‘We keep things peaceful so as to not disturb the people who come to pray, but you can find peace in the gods anywhere,’ Amator said. ‘Even in your busy bustling city.’

‘I didn’t think it was the gods who were going to give me peace.’ Gilbert stood up and Amator saw that he was holding a bag. ‘Although from now on, I’m going to have to pretend they are. I’m going to stay here as someone seeking solitude and shelter in a house of the gods.’

‘No,’ Amator said flatly.

‘Why not?’ Gilbert said, taken aback.

‘The temple provides shelter to people _actually_ seeking peace from the gods. We don’t provide for people seeking to sin.’

‘Oh, alright.’ 

To Amator’s surprise, Gilbert walked off. But Amator wasn’t complaining. He set to work cleaning the courtyard.

Some minutes later, Father Daley appeared, grinning more broadly than usual.

‘Good morning, Amator. I have wonderful news for you!’

‘Good morning.’ He smiled nervously, thinking of Gilbert. ‘What is it, Father?’

‘A young man has approached me asking to be given shelter at the temple. He has sinned against Nara-Kami and would like to know how to repent. He looks so humble and sincere!’ Father Daley looked completely charmed. ‘I’m putting him in your charge, Amator. His name is Gilbert and he’s just about your age.’

Amator steeled himself to speak confidently. ‘Of course, I would be happy to, Father. Perhaps we might even move him to become a permanent resident of our temple. Nara-Kami offers much that other gods cannot.’ 

And he meant it. Amator believed that everyone would love Nara-Kami if they truly learnt about him. Anyway … if he could keep an eye on Gilbert, he could take measures to deliberately delay his own death sentence.

A few minutes later, Father Daley was introducing them, Gilbert having traded his crisp black suit for the simple pale yellow robes of the temple. Amator thought they rather suited his finely combed yellow hair. They shook hands and spoke to each other as politely as if they had never met before. Then Father Daley left and Gilbert smiled at Amator. Not quite a smirk, but it was very close.

‘Do not think that because I know your true intentions, I will let you act other than as a helper of the temple should,’ Amator said coldly. ‘Sweep the courtyard while I water the plants, please.’

‘Father Daley got back to me pretty quickly,’ Gilbert said, following him with an air of cheerfulness that Amator found infuriating. ‘I thought you would have put up more of a fight. Aren’t you scared of me?’

‘It is my body’s natural reaction to fear death, but my mind knows I have nothing to be afraid of. I have served Nara-Kami all my life and he will give me peace when I die.’

He was shocked when Gilbert suddenly darted forward to grip his wrist. Amator jerked away reflexively, growling, ‘What do you think you’re doing?’

‘I wanted to see if you meant it, about not fearing death. Your pulse was normal before I touched you, so it would appear that you do. Perhaps it is the daylight that makes you brave?’

‘Which do you think are my true feelings? The ones I feel in darkness or the ones I feel in light?’

‘Good one,’ Gilbert said, and laughed. ‘I don’t want you to be afraid of me anyway.’

‘That is quite fine by me. Please get to work,’ Amator said, thrusting the broom into his chest. He left with the watering can, trying not to stomp in anger.

-

Gilbert worked quietly, and even diligently. Whenever Father Daley saw the two of them at work, he beamed at Amator and complimented Gilbert.

‘He seems to be deep in contemplation,’ Father Daley whispered to Amator. ‘I have high hopes of our new disciple.’

‘Me too,’ Amator said, and he meant it much more earnestly, if the older priest only knew. ‘But it is early days yet.’

‘True, but with you to guide him, I have every confidence that we shall find a reformed man on our hands.’

‘Did he tell you what brought him here?’

‘No. Confessions are only for the gods, so I didn’t ask. Did he tell you?’

‘He … implied it.’

‘I see. Confessions to another human being can be weight-lifting. Whatever he tells you, I know you will be understanding, Amator.’

Such was Father Daley’s faith in anyone who came to the temple. Certainly, time passed so serenely, Amator sometimes forgot why Gilbert was there. He didn’t appear to have a proactive stance about repaying Amator at all. For the most part, Gilbert did as Amator and Father Daley instructed him, and did not converse with them anymore than necessary to prove that he could be perfectly friendly when he wanted to be. After a while, Amator gave up on stepping carefully around him, and decided to simply think of him as another acolyte.

Not that there were any other acolytes at this temple, Amator now being a fully fledged priest in his own right. 

‘I actually know a few assassins who primarily worship Nara-Kami,’ Gilbert said one day, staring up at the silver statue of the god in the front courtyard of the temple. It was a simple statue in comparison to those that were dedicated to other gods. Nara-Kami had the head of a crow and the paws of a cat, and the rest of his body was shrouded in a robe. Symbols and runes were picked out on the hem of his robe and sleeves, as well as on the blade of the scythe he held in one hand, but he had no other ornamentation or jewellery.

It was the first time Gilbert had mentioned anything of his mission, and Amator said with some apprehension, ‘That sounds contradictory. Nara-Kami commands respect of his right over the lives of all beings.’

‘Maybe they see themselves as his messengers?’ Gilbert laughed. ‘I don’t know, I never studied religion. But he was the most popular god at school.’

‘You went to a school for assassins?’ Amator said with disbelief.

‘I don’t kill with skills I learnt from the streets.’ Amator looked around, half-hoping that Father Daley had heard, but of course, they were alone. ‘Why aren’t there any acolytes in this temple, Mr Amator? I understand you get few worshippers every day because we’re in the country, but all the other temples nearby have at least half a dozen acolytes.’

‘Nara-Kami is not a popular god. People generally want success in life and wealth on hand. They care a lot less about having a peaceful death.’ Amator smiled. Thinking of the gifts the gods had given him never failed to make him happy. ‘It’s alright. The gods don’t _need_ followers. It’s humans who need gods.’

‘Why did you choose to serve Nara-Kami?’

‘I didn’t. Nara-Kami chose me.’

‘Oh really?’

Amator was perfectly fine with a religious skeptic disbelieving his word. He was acknowledged by Head Priest Bellamy in the city, after all.

‘Tomorrow is your day off,’ he said instead. ‘What are you going to do?’

‘Whatever you do, of course.’

‘I am going to visit my friends who live in other temples.’

‘Oh.’ Gilbert looked disappointed.

‘Do you find life boring here, Gilbert?’ Amator asked sweetly.

‘No,’ Gilbert said, and Amator was startled to find that he sounded entirely sincere. ‘Everything is … different from what I’m used to. But I was hoping you would do something even slightly dangerous so I might have a chance to repay you. Even crossing the road could help.’

‘Yes, but I don’t _want_ you to sin, you see.’

‘You _do_ leave this neighbourhood sometimes. I met you in the city.’

‘So I do. I was joking, I can visit the other temples at any time I wish. On my days off I go into the village.’

‘Ah.’ Gilbert brightened up. ‘Good. Cars and people, and not all of them as considerate of people as acolytes and priests are.’

‘Do you … think that my actions towards you the first time we met saved your life?’ Amator said, careful not to imply that he had forgotten what it was he had supposedly done, and hoping for a clue.

‘Not my life, but someone else’s. Even assassins have people they care about, you know.’ 

To Amator’s surprise, Gilbert patted him on the arm, and left to continue his work.

The next day, Father Daley gave Amator a shopping list and waved them goodbye from the shrine entrance.

‘Does _he_ have a day off?’ Gilbert asked.

‘Sometimes Father Daley goes out to meet the priests in other temples, or Head Priest Bellamy in the city, but he doesn’t take a regular day off. I heard from another priest that he hasn’t left the temple for any other reason ever since his wife died, but I only ever met her once.’

‘He seems very happy for someone who’s dedicated himself to religion out of grief.’

‘I don’t think that’s what it is,’ Amator said coldly. ‘I believe he was always devoted to Nara-Kami, and the only thing he took time out of the temple for was his wife. When she passed away, he simply went on as he always would have. I have heard him pray for her before, and his certainty that Nara-Kami is caring for her gives him a great deal of comfort.’

They crossed the road - Amator, very carefully - to the main street before Gilbert spoke again. 

‘If I killed you, though I would be committing a sin against Nara-Kami, would he still save your soul after you died?’

‘Of course. _I_ wouldn’t have been the one who sinned.’

‘But I would be killing against Nara-Kami’s will.’

‘His _law,_ not his will. You can’t do anything against the gods’ will.’

‘So if I kill you, it’s because the gods let me.’

‘Indeed.’

‘Why would they let me kill you? Aren’t you chosen by Nara-Kami? Why doesn’t he strike me down to protect you?’

‘Maybe it’s because he wants to give you a chance to redeem yourself,’ Amator said evenly.

‘You mean the chance to change my mind?’

‘Or perhaps the chance to repent after the fact.’

‘Wouldn’t that mean he thinks of me as more important than you?’

‘You think too small,’ Amator laughed. ‘If you succeed in killing me, perhaps it’ll be because I had done enough in this life to satisfy the gods.’

‘Hm,’ said Gilbert. ‘What’s the point in arguing with a priest?’

‘To enlighten _you_ , of course. Where are you going?’ he said as Gilbert moved to the left while _he_ was heading to the right.

‘Breakfast. Where are _you_ going?’

‘The library. It’s still early for breakfast and I want to return the books I borrowed last week.’

‘And borrow more books?’

‘You can go on ahead, if you like.’

‘No,’ Gilbert said resolutely, marching after him. ‘Anything can happen at a library.’

‘Of course,’ Amator said, rolling his eyes. ‘Come on then.’

As Amator stopped at the counter to return his books and chat to the librarian, Gilbert wandered away to look at the shelves, though he was sure to stay near enough to keep Amator in his sight. He followed when Amator went to browse the shelves himself.

‘Why don’t you have a last name?’ Gilbert whispered, walking after him with silent footsteps. ‘I thought it was a priest thing, but Father Daley has one.’

‘I’m an orphan. Don’t talk in the library.’

‘You are? So am I.’

That made Amator pause in the act of pulling out a book. He turned around and gave Gilbert a look that he hoped said, ‘We’ll talk _later_.’ 

Gilbert gave him that smile that was almost a smirk. Amator felt like a toy mouse at the end of a stick being batted about by a cat.

Outside, Gilbert offered to carry his books. Amator had no objections to anyone trying to do a good deed, but sometimes he really wondered what Gilbert thought he was doing. Was he so assured of his detachment from people that being kind to his targets meant nothing to him? Was he trying to repay Amator in a number of small deeds instead? Amator was not keen on reminding Gilbert about his mission, however. On the off chance that Gilbert had forgotten, Amator wasn’t about to be the one to remind him.

‘Mr Amator -’

‘ _Please_ just call me Amator. I’m a _priest_ , people don’t call me “Mr”.’

‘Fine. How did you come to Nara-Kami’s temple here?’

‘My parents passed away when I was very young, and my relatives wanted to send me to an orphanage. A local priest visited me and said that I had the mark of one chosen by the gods. He brought me to the head priests of the country, and they agreed that I was marked by Nara-Kami. So Head Priest Bellamy took me into his temple to be raised as an acolyte. When I came of age, I decided to come here.’

‘Why here?’

‘I like it here.’

‘If you’re chosen by Nara-Kami, why don’t you stay in a bigger temple where more people can meet you?’

‘Yes, that’s what Father Daley and High Priest Bellamy say.’

There was a pause. Gilbert clearly expected more, but Amator had nothing else to say.

‘What does it mean, that you’re marked by Nara-Kami?’ Gilbert said after a moment.

‘You can’t really tell unless you’re a priest or have at least lived in a temple for a long time. Even I didn’t understand until I was a teenager. But there is one sign that I think you can easily see.’

Gilbert glanced him over, as if expecting a sign to appear on his clothes. ‘What is it?’

‘Death follows me.’ Amator smiled. ‘Don’t you agree?’

Gilbert froze in his tracks. ‘Doesn’t that bother you?’

‘No.’ Amator stopped to look over his shoulder at him. ‘Does it bother _you_?’

‘Of course not.’ Gilbert pulled himself together and walked up to his side. ‘But it’s not the sort of thing that people just say like … like that.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like it doesn’t mean anything. Most people would think of it as a curse.’

‘Hm.’ Amator tilted his head to one side. ‘Head Priest Bellamy never thought of it like that, so I suppose that’s why I never did either. He would send me to people who were very sick, in the hopes that I would help them pass peacefully. I was brought into Nara-Kami’s protection because my parents passed away. It seemed … appropriate. The first time I came here, too, was when I was to meet Father Daley’s wife while she was in the last stage of her illness.’

‘And _no one’s_ ever told you that’s really morbid?’

‘Sometimes, people are … wary of me. Especially if they are unwell. But most people are understanding, and the families of people I help are grateful.’

‘You don’t meet a lot of people who aren’t religious, do you?’

‘I suppose not. People who tend to live near temples usually want to be there, and those are the people I meet the most.’

Amator had to pull Gilbert into a bakery by the arm because he was so deep in thought, he wasn’t paying attention to where they were going.

‘You may be right in one sense,’ Amator said, browsing the pastries while Gilbert continued staring at him. ‘Being followed by death can be unfortunate. For example, it brought _you_ to me.’

That made Gilbert laugh and return to his usual cheerful self.

‘You don’t think of me as a blessing?’

‘In my opinion, _you’re_ the one who should be thinking of _me_ as a blessing.’

‘I’ll be honest, Amator, I _do_ like you. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met. I just can’t let feelings get in the way of my job, you see.’

‘Neither can I.’

‘Yes. I know you act kindly to me in the hopes of making me see the light the way _you_ see it.’

Amator made no reply to that. It didn’t bother him that Gilbert knew his intentions.

‘But you like it at the temple, don’t you?’ he said. ‘You never complain about the work and you’re polite to all the worshippers.’

‘Well, if I complained, you would have an excuse to get me kicked out, wouldn’t you?’

‘Not really. It’s normal to complain from time to time. Sometimes I wonder how some of the priests in other temples can put up with the new acolytes who think being a priest is about wandering around the temple quoting scripture instead of actually doing work and talking to people.’

‘I _do_ like it at the temple though.’ Gilbert shrugged. ‘The things you make me do aren’t hard work at all.’

‘I’m very pleased to hear that, Gilbert.’

‘Don’t think you’re winning,’ Gilbert said with a roll of his eyes, but he was smiling.

-

It was common for people to visit temples asking for material help, of course, and Nara-Kami’s temple was no exception. Theoretically, priests took it in turns to speak to these people, but their temple being remote and Nara-Kami being an unpopular god, these visitors were rare, and whoever was free or willing of Father Daley and Amator would deal with them. Acolytes were usually swept out of the way for the sake of confidentiality, but not all visitors minded who knew about them.

Father Daley had met a woman whose son was ill and wanted money for medical help. Amator was not the suspicious type, but he did wonder if theirs was not the first temple she had come to. She didn’t seem very concerned with paying her respects to Nara-Kami before she went to see him. But that wasn’t grounds to refuse someone at a temple, and Amator didn’t actually resent her for the fact.

He _did_ know that their temple didn’t have much to give away at the moment, however, and he knew Father Daley probably would not be able to offer enough to satisfy her. Amator went to wait by the door of the office, ignoring the fact that Gilbert was slowly sweeping his way over. 

When the woman opened the door, looking as unhappy as Amator had anticipated, he stepped forward, extending an envelope in his hand and said, ‘Excuse me, madam. Please, would you accept a gift from me to your son in the name of Nara-Kami? I pray that he recovers soon.’

She recoiled away with a look of horror. ‘Stay away from me! My son is going to _live_.’

Amator was taken aback. ‘I’m sure he will, madam. I only -‘

‘Do you think cursing my son will give you glory with the gods?’ she spat. ‘Perhaps it will, but it won’t give you anything while you live on this Earth, I promise you!’

‘Madam, I have no wish but to -‘

She slapped his hand away and hurried out of the temple, throwing him a dark glare over her shoulder before she left.

‘Are you alright?’ A voice in his ear jerked the stunned Amator back to life. He turned around to see Gilbert, still holding his broom, standing next to him.

‘Oh … yes. It’s a shame she didn’t try to hurt me, isn’t it?’ He bent down to take his envelope from the ground and was surprised to notice his hand was shaking.

‘I think I would have overdone it if she had.’ Amator seemed frozen, so Gilbert picked it up for him. He put it in his hand, but didn’t take his hand away. ‘You know what she said wasn’t true.’

Before Amator could reply, Father Daley appeared and anxiously asked if something had happened.

‘I apologise for not coming out earlier, I was locking up the safe,’ he said. ‘Is everything alright, Amator?’

‘Of course, Father.’ Amator forced himself to smile. ‘She refused my gift, that’s all.’

‘Did she? I’m sorry to hear that, Amator.’ Father Daley squeezed his shoulder affectionately. ‘May the gods reward your generous intent. You too, Gilbert. You make an excellent acolyte.’

‘Thank you, Father.’ Gilbert smiled, but it was even stiffer than Amator’s. Fortunately, Father Daley didn’t appear to notice, and soon returned to his office.

‘Don’t make jokes about my mission here, Amator,’ Gilbert said, finally pulling away. ‘They don’t suit you. Do you think I don’t notice how careful you are to never mention it?’ Amator said nothing. ‘Why does it bother you so much? I thought it doesn’t matter. You didn’t mind when I didn’t believe you about being marked by Nara-Kami.’

‘Oh, shut up,’ Amator said irritably, moving past him. ‘Come on, there’s a lot of work to be done.’

‘No there isn’t. I’ve swept this courtyard three times today.’ Gilbert was trying not to laugh, but he couldn’t help a grin. He grabbed Amator by the wrist to stop him from leaving. ‘Between the three of us and the five worshippers who come here every day, there’s not a lot to do. So you’ll just have to tell me what’s wrong with you.’

‘And _why_ must I satiate your curiosity?’

‘Who else are you going to tell?’

‘I needn’t tell anyone at all.’

‘Really?’ he said, beginning to sound annoyed, his grip on Amator’s hand tightening. ‘Is that how it’s always been for you? Alone all the time? Is that something else I don’t understand about being a priest, or do you dislike being alone as much as I think you do?’

‘Hmph.’ Amator smiled mockingly at him. ‘Be careful there, Mr Peterson. You’re not starting to care for me, are you?’

‘It would be _my_ problem if I did.’

‘And _my_ salvation.’ 

Amator pulled his hand away and walked out into the open courtyard. Gilbert followed. The sun was almost set, throwing its last red rays over the statue of Nara-Kami. Amator bowed deeply to it and said a prayer, willing himself to calm down. He wasn’t angry at Gilbert. He wanted to believe that he wasn’t angry at _anyone_. Sometimes people took time to understand the ways of the gods, and the woman might eventually come to understand too, he reminded himself.

When he stood up, he saw Gilbert looking up at the statue with almost an inquisitive expression, as if he were secretly asking Nara-Kami questions of his own.

‘There’s something I want to ask you,’ Amator said, and Gilbert looked around at him. ‘But I don’t want … for it to change the way you see me.’

‘Uh, I thought you took it for granted I don’t have a good opinion of you.’

‘Oh, I _know_ you respect me, Gilbert, the same as I respect you despite our conflict of interests. But I meant that I don’t want you to think that because I’ve forgotten, you don’t have to repay me.’

Gilbert raised his eyebrows. ‘You’ve forgotten what it was you did for me that put me in your debt?’

‘Entirely.’

‘We’ve only met once before. It can’t be hard to remember.’

‘I don’t remember anything that involved saving anyone’s life!’

‘You really don’t recall at all? You saved my sister for a little while.’

‘Your sister?’ He didn’t remember any girl or woman with Gilbert that day. ‘A little while? Has … has she returned to Nara-Kami?’

‘I just say she died,’ Gilbert said, but at least he didn’t sound exasperated.

‘But when I met you, you - it was in a grocery store. You were buying some fruit.’

‘Apples. _You_ bought them for me.’

‘Yes, because … you didn’t have enough money on you and I thought it was cruel that the shopkeeper wouldn’t even let you run home when you said you lived nearby … Is that _all_?’

‘Do you find it pathetic?’ Gilbert said seriously.

‘Of course not. But I don’t understand.’

‘Well, maybe I attributed too much to you.’ Gilbert crossed his arms and leaned back against the plinth, looking straight at Amator. ‘You don’t really know what life is like outside of your religious circles. But I was just so grateful …’ He sighed, his shoulders sagging. ‘It might not surprise you to know that the town I grew up in is full of criminals. No one would dream of being kind to anyone, lest they were a con artist or a thief. I already knew the grocer wouldn’t let me have those apples when I realised I forgot my wallet. That you helped me so easily amazed me.’

‘Really?’ Amator smiled, suddenly feeling sincerely happy. ‘I’m glad I could make a difference there, even if it was just for one person. I _did_ know that that was what your town is like. That’s why the head priest sent me there.’

Gilbert narrowed his eyes. ‘Are you telling me … that I was the victim of religious evangelism?’

‘Victim?’ Amator laughed. ‘Perhaps. Everything I do is for Nara-Kami. I didn’t distinguish what I did for you from anything I may have done for anyone else.’

‘Right.’ Gilbert snorted. ‘Well, I don’t discount a deed done to me just because it’s done in the name of something I don’t … believe in …’

‘Yes,’ Amator said, deciding not to comment on the pause. ‘I feel the same way. Even if the gods are just figments of human imagination, they’re still right about the rights of our fellow human beings.’ Gilbert nodded. ‘But you still haven’t told me how those apples saved your sister.’

‘It’s nothing, really,’ Gilbert said, brusquely. ‘She loved apples. In the final stages of her illness, she would hardly eat, but she never refused an apple. I sometimes thought they were the only … thing … keeping her … alive …’ He trailed away, staring into the distance with wide eyes. Amator looked over his shoulder but saw nothing.

‘What is it?’ he said. 

Gilbert blinked and focused on him. ‘You - you’re a harbinger of death.’

Any trace of a smile completely vanished from Amator’s expression as he understood what Gilbert was saying.

‘Oh, now you believe me?’ he said coldly. ‘I killed your sister, Gilbert, is that what you’re thinking?’

‘Don’t be silly.’ Gilbert appeared to mentally shake himself. ‘I don’t believe in that sort of thing.’

‘Of course not. People only ever believe in things when it’s convenient for them. Is it not convenient for you to believe I brought about your sister’s death, and so despise me? Doesn’t that mean that you’re no longer in my debt?’ The realisation smacked Amator in the face, and he took an involuntary step backwards. He couldn’t move away, but he couldn’t say anything more, either. Gilbert was frowning at him, and he tore his gaze away to concentrate on Nara-Kami. Whatever happened, he told himself, he was going to die with faith in his heart.

‘I said, _don’t be silly_ ,’ Gilbert snapped, startling Amator’s gaze back to him. ‘It doesn’t change anything. We agreed that this conversation wouldn’t make things between us any different.’

They hadn’t actually got to the point, but it was beyond Amator to say as much. He probably wouldn’t have wanted to say it even if he could have, anyway. When he remained silent, Gilbert huffed and stormed away, leaving Amator feeling more alone than he had ever before.

-

That night, Amator prepared for bed with a great deal of trepidation. Staring at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth, he realised that it was not just because he was afraid that Gilbert was going to kill him. It was because he had quarrelled with Gilbert, and he didn’t like it. He had often reminded himself that Gilbert was at the temple only to find an excuse to assassinate him, but repetition and familiarity had made the words meaningless, and he had become used to Gilbert. He had come to care about Gilbert’s opinion of him.

They had not seen each other the whole night since. They usually had dinner together with Father Daley, but Daley had told Amator that Gilbert was not feeling up to having dinner and begged to excuse himself. Amator had been stricken by a most morbid image of Gilbert weighing up knives and guns to decide which would be best to kill him with.

He gave up on the idea of sleep before he even got into bed. Even if he could believe that nothing had changed between them … he just needed to see Gilbert, to know for sure.

Despite his professed intentions, he simply wandered the temple for half an hour, pacing aimlessly around the courtyard’s statue of Nara-Kami. Anyone who saw him would simply think he was praying. But after a while, he pulled himself together and went to actively search for Gilbert. If he didn’t, he would be up all night, telling himself he wasn’t scared of death even though he was afraid of what death would bring to him.

An hour later, he had done a cursory search of most of the temple and decided to return to Nara-Kami’s statue. He was wondering if Gilbert had left entirely, when a shadow detached itself from the plinth, slunk over to Amator as fast as a snake, and grabbed his hands. Stretched as his nerves already were, Amator drew in breath to scream, but was silenced by a mouth being pressed against his. 

He didn’t need the rub of beard against his cheek to tell him who it was. But he wouldn’t have moved even if he could have mustered enough brain cells to make himself do so. His mind was completely wiped blank. 

‘You’re so naïve,’ Gilbert murmured as he pulled away. ‘You don’t understand anything outside of your temples, do you?’

‘H-Head Priest B-Bellamy al-always s-said,’ Amator whispered, his voice trembling, ‘that you don’t n-need to know about anything other than the g-gods. They always - show the way …’ 

‘Tell me that’s the one thing your priests have told you that you _don’t_ believe.’

‘I think … I think he just meant that if you d-didn’t know the gods … it wasn’t worth knowing … anything …’

‘You’re such a strange person. You see the gods in everything.’

Amator shook his head. ‘It’s just - it’s just what we’re all taught. If you stayed, you would discover it for yourself.’

‘Do you want me to stay?’

‘I want … any option that doesn’t entail you killing me.’

Gilbert sighed. He released Amator and turned away. ‘Alright then. I give up on you. Since I was privately contracted for your life according to Conlegium rules, no one else will come after you, so you’ll be safe.’

‘What?’ Amator was startled out of his fear. ‘You’re - what?’

‘Even at school, my masters always told me I was too soft,’ Gilbert said, without having apparently heard him. ‘Because of my sister. But I always thought it was just her. I didn’t care for anyone at the Conlegium or anywhere else. Tell me, Amator, why are you different?’

‘I - I don’t know.’ Amator was still too rattled to think of anything else to say.

‘Be that way, then. But tell me one thing before I leave. _Why_ did it bother you that the woman who came here saw you as cursed? You were fine with _me_ saying it. That woman might not disbelieve in the gods like I do, but most people in the world don’t believe in the gods whole-heartedly. That’s what you priests are for. Why was it different? And don’t think saying you don’t know will make me leave.’

‘I - I think - it was just … the way she said it. As a disbeliever, you’re ignorant, and when you ask, I can teach you. That woman … believes, and - it’s -‘ Amator swallowed. He didn’t know what answer Gilbert was looking for and it made him afraid again, though he didn’t know what he was afraid of now. He definitely wasn’t just afraid for his life anymore. ‘If people who believe in the gods don’t believe me, then I’m useless. I’m a messenger of Nara-Kami … that is who I am, and without that … I’m nothing.’

‘So …’ Gilbert drew in a deep breath. He still wasn’t looking at Amator. ‘It’s because her opinion matters, and mine doesn’t?’

‘If that’s the way you want to see it,’ Amator snapped, suddenly angry. ‘Yes, Gilbert, it’s because I care about your opinion a lot less than the opinion of a stranger who shares my beliefs. There’s nothing more important than my faith in the gods.’

Gilbert whirled around, and Amator’s heart jumped into his throat at the flash of silver steel that caught the moonlight, raised above his head. Gilbert thrust it into the plinth, which let out a _crack_ as stone crumbled and made way for the knife. He was breathing very heavily.

‘You have no idea,’ he growled, ‘not the _faintest_ idea how hard this week has been for me, do you? Everything here - it’s always so quiet and peaceful, like none of the bad things outside can come in. And I’ve been watching you the whole time, and you -‘ Gilbert turned and Amator felt like Gilbert’s gaze was burning holes in his face, but he couldn’t have turned away for anything. ‘All you do is take care of other people. How many lives have you saved? All I ever do is take them.’

‘I don’t think of it like that,’ Amator replied quietly. ‘All I want is for people to give Nara-Kami a chance. Nothing more.’

‘That’s what I can’t stand about you. You have no idea how your actions affect the world.’

‘You think _you_ understand how the world works, when you kill anyone for whom someone has offered a bounty?’

‘Better than you do. I was a scholarship boy at the Conlegium, but all my classmates were rich people from mafia families. I almost always know who the people I’m paid to kill are. They’re all snobs who are better off dying early than living on to taint the world even more.’ 

‘Perhaps there are some things each of us understands better than the other.’ Amator _knew_ that was wrong. Humans made mistakes, their judgements were never untainted by feelings, and one person alone couldn’t pronounce who was and wasn’t deserving of death. Only the gods could. But Gilbert had apparently not heard a word Amator had said all night, and he found he couldn’t be bothered to say any more. ‘If you’re going … please just leave.’

‘I was just going to,’ Gilbert answered coldly. ‘Goodbye.’

‘Goodbye.’

Amator had taken a step back when Gilbert stepped forward and embraced him tightly. Amator was completely baffled. Hadn’t Gilbert just said he despised him? And yet he had kissed him, and then hugged him, as if he were the only thing he had left in the world.

By the time Amator realised that might well be the case, Gilbert had gone, leaving only the knife in the plinth.

-

I pray that he will always be blessed by the gods,’ Father Daley said the next morning when Amator told him, very brusquely, that Gilbert had left. ‘When he came, he was already such a polite and well-mannered man that I wondered what it was that could possibly torment his heart. But I hope his time with us may have taught him a few things.’

‘Yes,’ Amator said shortly. ‘But don’t ask me what happened to the plinth in the courtyard. I don’t understand it at all.’

‘The plinth?’

They went outside and Amator showed him. Father Daley was shocked by the blatant display of disrespect towards temple property, and could hardly bring himself to touch the handle. 

‘Who could have done this? Were they angry at Nara-Kami? I would rather they have taken it out on us.’

‘Perhaps they were angry at themselves for not being able to find faith within themselves.’ Or maybe Amator was engaging in wishful thinking. He tried to wrench out the knife - eliciting a cry of alarm from Father Daley - and found it so deep in, he couldn’t budge it.

‘This is solid marble,’ Daley said. ‘How can anyone do this with their bare hands?’

‘Maybe we should leave it. It’s impossible to move.’

‘No, we can’t do that! How would it look to visitors? We’ll find someone from the village to help us.’

It took a few hours, but by noon, the knife had been levered out and a mason begun work on the damaged plinth. With a strange lump in his throat, Amator asked to keep the knife.

‘It could be dangerous to keep a weapon in your room,’ Father Daley said.

‘I know. I just … think it’s a sign.’

‘Oh! In _that_ case …’

Amator wrapped it in cloth and carried it to his room. He didn’t know himself why he had decided to keep it. He didn’t need a memento from Gilbert - he was too seared into his memories to ever forget. But he couldn’t have endured seeing the knife thrown away.

And after that, Amator was perfectly fine. There was nothing in the temple to remind him of Gilbert - except, of course, for everything. He had gone too recently for the sting to fade, but with time, Amator thought, he would barely think of it anymore. In the mean time, Father Daley would forgive him for acting more subdued than usual. The loss of one who had been a companion, as Daley surely saw Gilbert, would affect anyone, and Amator only had to keep it to an acceptable level.

He thought he was doing quite well, too, until the next morning during breakfast. Father Daley looked at him and with more solemnity than Amator had ever seen in him, said, ‘Amator, are you alright?’

‘Of course, Father,’ Amator said, bemused and oblivious as to what could have made him ask. ‘Are you well in yourself?’

‘I am, thank you. But I ask you because you have been downcast since yesterday - or even, now that I think of, the night before. Amator, did you and Gilbert … quarrel before he left?’

‘I -‘ Amator had to search for the words. ‘Well - yes, we did. But … I don’t think … I mean, we - we argued about him leaving. I don’t think it was what _made_ him leave.’

‘You were trying to persuade him not to leave?’ Father Daley said gently.

‘Not … exactly …’

‘Why did he leave? Can you tell me?’

‘I cannot tell you all of it,’ Amator said, morosely poking at his eggs. He wished he could. It _was_ hard to keep things to himself, and he wished he could have confided in someone everything he felt. But he knew he couldn’t tell Father Daley about Gilbert’s true intention in visiting their temple. ‘Gilbert is so different from us. Nothing has ever mattered to me but the present - caring for the temple I reside in, praying to Nara-Kami, and meeting the worshippers who come. But I think Gilbert is tied to his past in an inextricable way and I don’t think I … should tell you about that.’

‘It is a secret that he confided in you?’

‘No … I have no doubt there are people who know of it in even greater detail than I do. But it would change your perception of him, and …’ Amator swallowed as he realised the true reason he couldn’t tell Father Daley, ‘… he found peace and safety in this temple. It should remain a safe place for him, should he ever wish to return.’

‘I see.’ Father Daley smiled. ‘Then perhaps you can tell someone else?’

Before Amator could reply even with a confused question, Father Daley rose and left. Amator returned to his breakfast, thinking rather nervously of what Father Daley was doing until he returned, still smiling cheerfully.

‘High Priest Bellamy is on the phone for you,’ he said, and Amator dropped his spoon in shock.

‘Father!’ he said reproachfully.

‘Don’t keep him waiting, Amator.’

It was beyond Amator to glare at his superior in the temple, but he did frown severely as he hurried off.

‘Good morning, Amator,’ said the deep voice of the high priest. ‘How are you?’

‘I am well, sir, thank you.’

‘Hm. You don’t sound it. I thought Father Daley was joking when he said there was a “boy” involved, but perhaps he wasn’t.’

For a moment, Amator wished he _was_ the sort of person who could glare at his superior in the temple. ‘Involved in what?’

‘Your cheerlessness. Father Daley thought you were depressed.’

‘Affected, perhaps. Not depressed. I will soon be over it.’

‘Ah, but the first time one’s heart breaks is a thing one will always remember. Even _I_ know that. So you might as well tell me.’

‘My heart is _not_ broken,’ Amator said hotly.

‘Regardless, I want to hear about what it is Father Daley thinks you have got yourself into.’

‘Alright.’

‘All of it, by the way.’

‘Fine.’

‘I’ll know if you’re leaving anything out. Don’t think three years are sufficient to make me forget your sweet tooth.’

His ‘sweet tooth’ was what High Priest Bellamy called Amator’s terrible lying skills, in reference to the fact that as a child, he had mostly employed them in attempting to sneak buns from the kitchen _before_ teatime.

‘Yes, sir,’ Amator said. But in truth, he felt cheered to speak to him. When he had been a small child all alone in the world, High Priest Bellamy had taken him in and taught him as his special pupil, and he very much saw him as a father figure. He knew, too, that he could safely tell him everything about Gilbert, and the high priest would not think of him as a fool for getting close to someone who was supposed to kill him.

He started with the time he had met Gilbert in his own city and the small act of charity he had performed for him. Then he told him about the night Gilbert had arrived at the temple and Amator had awoken to him sitting his room. High Priest Bellamy drew in a breath when Amator told him of Gilbert’s intentions in coming, though he made no remark. Nor did he say anything when Amator described the way Gilbert had insinuated himself into the temple, or their day out together afterwards, even on the new perspective Gilbert’s views on the mark Nara-Kami had left on him had offered. The only comment he gave was when Amator told him about going to look for Gilbert the night he left.

‘Why didn’t you say anything to someone?,’ he said, sharply. ‘If nothing else, you could have asked Father Daley to be on the lookout during the night.’

‘I suppose it simply did not occur to me to,’ Amator said. ‘But I really wanted to believe that Gilbert meant it when he said it wouldn’t change anything. And anyway, when I found him -‘

Bellamy remained silent for the rest of the narrative, even when Amator stammered over Gilbert kissing him, and Amator was sure he must have at least raised an eyebrow over Gilbert stabbing the plinth. 

Indeed, ‘Has the statue been repaired since?’ was his first question.

‘It has.’

‘What did you do with Gilbert’s knife?’

‘Um …’

‘Oh, you kept it,’ Bellamy said with his usual, almost distressing, insight. ‘I suppose I can’t blame you too much for that. Sentiment will win out.’ Amator knew that he meant it, too. ‘Well, Amator, do you know how you feel for Gilbert now?’

‘I … don’t know, no.’

‘How do you _think_ you feel then?’

‘I think … that I came to _like_ Gilbert, because he appeared interested in what I had to say, and it was like … perhaps I thought … that he needed me, because there was so much he didn’t know. I enjoyed teaching him. I seldom get the opportunity to tell people about Nara-Kami because most of the people I see already know.’

‘That is precisely why I have always encouraged you to travel. I have taught you to preach, and you clearly enjoy it.’

‘Yes, well …’

‘Although, of course, not all would be as receptive as Gilbert was. But the way I see it, his attentions were not all out of interest in Nara-Kami. It seems to me that he was mostly interested in _you_.’

‘I wanted to think I didn’t care for his interest in me,’ Amator said miserably. ‘I thought - I kept telling myself that it was because things at the temple are so different from what he is used to, and that was what fascinated him. Why should he be interested in me? I was meant to be his target.’

‘But he spared your life and forsook what was meant to be his duty. What is in the way of you believing his attentions were to anything other than you now?’

‘The fact … that I …’ Amator said slowly, ‘I don’t need him to be interested in anything other than … the gods. Why should anything else matter?’

‘Oh, Amator,’ Bellamy sighed. ‘Do you think that because Nara-Kami chose you, that you yourself don’t matter? In taking care of yourself, are you not caring for the mission Nara-Kami sent you on? If you love Gilbert, that does not mean you love the gods any less.’

‘L-love?’ Amator squeaked.

‘I only put it forward as an example.’ Amator was annoyed to hear amusement in his voice. ‘Loving a human means nothing against you.’

‘Well … Gilbert’s _interest_ in me doesn’t mean he has genuine feelings for me.’

‘But he kissed you.’

‘Er, yes, but …’

‘And he left you with an embrace.’

‘He did, but …’

‘Clearly his feelings for you are as conflicted as your own.’ Amator gave up on finding anything to say. ‘And it is clear to me too, that you will not be at peace until you see him and speak to him again.’

‘I don’t know where he is -‘

‘I’m sure that won’t be a problem. I can easily use a little influence to ask after a lost acolyte.’

‘Oh, um …’

‘Yes?’

‘Will it be possible for even a head priest to search for an assassin?’ Amator said anxiously. ‘He - wouldn’t people like that normally move in, um, criminal circles?’

‘That is true. But it is fairly common that criminals come to temples seeking redemption too. Sometimes, some of them run away, and we ask some of the others where they might likely be hiding. As a matter of fact, while _you_ were an acolyte, you slept in the same room as two children from criminal families.’

‘So I should really be used to this sort of thing, is that what you’re saying?’

‘Quite so,’ High Priest Bellamy said. ‘Now, Amator, this is _your_ end of the deal -‘

‘Deal?’

‘I am not going to send search parties out for your boyfriend simply out of affection for you, Amator.’ Amator opened his mouth to protest that Gilbert was _not_ his boyfriend, but Bellamy didn’t let him speak. ‘Well, actually, I am, but there is something in this that can benefit you in other areas, and I would like to see those areas tended to. I think it likely that Gilbert is already out of the country, and it would be easier to send you to him than to find him and send him to you. Once I send you, Amator, I would like you to refrain from coming back for a while.’

‘What?!’

‘It is the perfect opportunity for you to _travel_. Go out and meet people. Stay at temples of Nara-Kami around the world and let people know who you are. Any priest will be able to see the mark on you and will be more than happy to have you.’

‘Sir, I don’t think that I can do that -‘

‘That’s alright, _I_ think you can.’

‘No!’

‘It would be obvious to any one of us that you did a great deal of good for Gilbert, but Gilbert did you some good too, in telling you that you should go out in the world. I hope he will continue to give you courage to do so.’

‘Do … you think I’m scared to go out in the world?’

‘I would never say such a thing about my best student,’ Bellamy said. ‘But I would very much like you to do it. Amator?’

If Amator and Bellamy had been speaking face-to-face, Amator would have been pacing. Since he couldn’t leave the telephone, he wound the cable around his fingers and chewed his lip.

‘What if … Gilbert won’t want to come with me?’

‘Ah. I see how that might present a problem. It _would_ be highly disappointing. But if he agrees, you _will_ go?’

‘Yes,’ Amator said decidedly, straightening up. ‘I … well, you’re right. I can’t do much with the word of Nara-Kami just staying here out in the country. And I think I _would_ enjoy it. I only need the courage to do so.’

‘May Nara-Kami keep your heart full, Amator. Now, is that settled? Let me talk to Father Daley before I hang up. I shall contact you again later. Oh, and I won’t object to you keeping Gilbert’s knife, but you should keep it hidden, in case the person who took out the contract against you decides to hire someone else. They could easily make it look like an accident if you kept a weapon around you.’

‘Er, alright.’ The high priest’s casual description of possible dangers rather froze Amator’s blood for a moment. ‘Thank you … sir.’

‘Not at all, my dear boy,’ Bellamy said, and his tone was affectionate. Smiling, Amator lay the receiver aside and went to call Father Daley.

-

Over the next two weeks, High Priest Bellamy called the temple several times to update Amator on the search for Gilbert. Most of the time, the information amounted to ‘We don’t know yet, but we probably will soon’. Amator soon found that hearing the phone ring made him jump, and no matter how much he tried to tell himself that there was probably no news yet, his heart would beat wildly as he picked up the receiver.

In his annoyance at himself, he confided in Bellamy about these feelings, who teasingly said, ‘I won’t call unless we have definite news then.’

‘I think that would be worse,’ Amator said grumpily.

High Priest Bellamy had told Father Daley about his deal with Amator. Shortly after their first conversation, Amator realised that he had forgotten that going out after Gilbert would mean leaving Father Daley alone, but Daley assured him that Bellamy had promised to send a couple of acolytes to take his place.

‘I asked for three because I thought that would be the minimum required to replace one of you,’ he said with a smile, and Amator rolled his eyes. It would seem that everyone was making fun of him now, but he found he didn’t mind too much. Days at the temple had usually been occupied in cleaning, praying, and speaking to visitors, and it was wonderfully tranquil, but Amator’s impending mission gave life a fresh new twist that made Amator feel more alive every day.

But finally, Bellamy called to inform Amator that a car would pick him up in two days and Amator’s heart gave its most violent lurch yet.

‘O-okay. Where - where will it ta-take me?’ Amator was unable to keep the nervous stutter out of his voice.

‘To the airport. As I suspected, Gilbert is out of the country, but you will have to be very careful. I believe he is in hiding for a reason, and the circles he travelled in must have known the connection between the two of you. But I’m sure you’ll be fine, won’t you?’

‘Yes, sir … Whatever happens to me will be the will of Nara-Kami.’

‘Hopefully the will of Nara-Kami will be to keep you safe, especially as I will be sending some of my agents to watch over you. Of course, as long as you choose to stay at a temple of Nara-Kami, the priests there should be happy to accommodate you. As a matter of fact, Gilbert’s current location may surprise you … or it may not. I don’t know how well you know him. Anyway, you will only need to pack your clothes. The person fetching you will give you everything else you need, including a mobile phone of your own so you may contact me or Father Daley whenever you wish. Don’t worry,’ he added when Amator began to stammer again, ‘he’ll teach you how to use it too. Everything will be alright.’

‘I know,’ Amator said, mostly to himself. ‘I know it will. It’s not my first time traveling alone.’

‘And you will not be alone for long, of course. Good luck, Amator. If anything happens, _anything_ at all, you only need to call me.’

‘I will. Thank you, sir.’

‘Alright.’ Bellamy sighed. ‘I think I’m more worried about you than you are. Your confidence should comfort me.’

‘If it makes you feel any better, I’m not that confident. I just know that this is the path that has been chosen for me, and I cannot turn back on it.’

‘Just the spirit I want in you. Goodbye, Amator.’

‘Goodbye, sir.’

Saying goodbye to Father Daley was slightly more difficult, even though they had not known each other nearly as long as Amator had known the high priest. Then again, Amator had said his first long-term goodbye to High Priest Bellamy three years ago. And they had known each other long enough, and were close enough, that they each saw the other as family instead of a revered member of the clergy. Amator had not even realised that his status as chosen by Nara-Kami still tinged the way Father Daley perceived him until just then.

‘I shall lose a friend and the temple shall lose a great asset,’ he said mournfully. 

‘I’ll come back when I can,’ Amator said, dismayed at this reaction. Noticing this, Daley laughed.

‘I’m only joking. Don’t worry Amator, I’ll be perfectly fine. And we will be ready when you return - with Gilbert, I hope.’

Amator could not bring himself to say ‘I hope so too’. He still couldn’t quite admit, even privately, that he was doing this for Gilbert’s sake. He felt as guilty as if he were forsaking his duties, despite High Priest Bellamy’s assurance that it was not so.

‘High Priest Bellamy told me I could call him or you in case of anything,’ Amator said, ‘but please call me too if I can do anything for you.’

‘Oh, Amator.’ Daley beamed at him. ‘You’re such a wonderful young man. This temple has been so fortunate to have you. I wish you the very best on your journey.’

As they embraced, Amator’s nervousness parted to let him feel just how sad he was to leave. It wasn’t like when he left the high priest’s side to come here. Then, he had known that there was a new home waiting for him. His future now was completely unknown to him. He didn’t even know for certain if he was going to see Gilbert once he arrived.

‘Perhaps you shouldn’t be surprised if I come back earlier than you expect,’ he said.

‘There would be no shame in it, if you ended up deciding that,’ Daley said kindly. 

‘Thank you very much, Father.’ Amator smiled, and with a final wave, left the temple.

-

Amator _was_ surprised when he was told where they had found Gilbert. He himself had said that he wanted their temple to remain a safe place for Gilbert, but he hadn’t expected … _this_.

The temple to Nara-Kami was larger and more majestic than the one Amator had left behind. He counted a dozen pillars on the facade, and the paths that split at the entrance into five were beautifully paved and lined with small trees. Not that Amator was any stranger to splendid temples, having been raised in the Head Priest’s temple in the city, but he hadn’t realised that other places sometimes attempted to emulate it.

This was not his current destination, however. Instead, he was heading for the small block of flats tucked away behind the temple. It was half-covered in ivy and half-concealed behind thick, tall trees. Amator was no expert, but it looked like a fine place to hide away if you wanted to do so somewhere near a temple.

Gilbert’s flat was on the ground floor too. In case of intruders, he could easily escape on foot.

Now that he was here, Amator was surprised to find that it was easy to march up and knock on the door. Maybe it was because home was too far away to run to and he would be too ashamed to ask High Priest Bellamy to find him a place to stay if his courage failed him. He had been telling the truth when he said it was clear to him that this was the path for him. That didn’t make it easy.

He counted the seconds as he waited for Gilbert to answer. It took 73 of them for the door to open. An arm shot out, grabbed him by the shirt collar, and he was slammed against a wall as the door was banged shut again.

‘What do you think you’re doing?!’ Gilbert hissed. ‘You could get us _both_ killed, and then I’ll have spared you for nothing!’

Despite everything, Amator couldn’t help but smile. He was so glad to see Gilbert again, admittedly at rather closer proximity than he had anticipated. Gilbert’s blue eyes were on fire as he glared, but Amator thought he could sense that it was not all anger at himself, and so could remain quite cheerful.

‘What do you mean?’ he said innocently.

‘Amator.’ Gilbert was actually speaking through clenched teeth. Amator hadn’t realised that people did that outside of books. ‘The penalty for an assassin going back on a contract is _death_. People at the Conlegium will know what happened, and they will be _watching_ you.’

‘Well then, when you saw me through the spyhole, why didn’t you just leave through the back? That’s why you live on the ground floor, isn’t it?’

He was pleased to see the corner of Gilbert’s mouth twitch in an involuntary smile. 

‘You’re ridiculous,’ Gilbert said. He put Amator down and almost absently brushed some dust off Amator’s shoulder. ‘Well, what are you doing here?’

‘Oh.’ He was surprised that Gilbert had to ask. He had thought it would be obvious and they would be able to get to the matter immediately. ‘I suppose … that I … wanted to tell you …’

‘Yes?’

‘That - well … that I love you, I suppose.’

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. ‘Is that all?’

‘Yes. Oh, no. High Priest Bellamy thinks that this is a good opportunity for me to travel. You know, so I can meet people, like you said. He hoped you would be able to come with me so I wouldn’t be scared about it.’

‘Really?’ This seemed to genuinely surprise him, unlike Amator’s confession. ‘Well, come and sit down then.’

He gave Amator a seat at the kitchen counter and put on the kettle.

‘How does the high priest know about me?’ he asked.

‘I told him, of course. After you left, Father Daley thought I was upset but I couldn’t tell him all about you. So he made me tell the high priest.’

‘So you told the high priest all about me?’

‘If there was anyone I could tell, it would be him. He is like a father to me.’

‘Was I wrong, then, in thinking you don’t realise how alone you are?’

‘Maybe not. I don’t … tell him everything. I feel like I shouldn’t bother him with my personal problems most of the time.’

‘Why was he accepting of the fact that I was an assassin?’

Not failing to notice the past tense, Amator said, ‘The high priest does not judge people. I suppose he thought that if I cared about you, it would be because I believe you to be someone worth caring for, and he would trust my judgement.’

‘He thinks I’m a trustworthy person just because _you_ think so?’

‘Apparently.’

‘Do you _want_ me to travel with you?’

‘Yes.’ Amator was confident about this one.

‘Well, I can’t. I’m in hiding.’

‘You can come with me in secret. The clerical body is made up of more than just people like me who don’t know how to do anything except talk to people about the gods. Or so High Priest Bellamy told me. He sent a bodyguard with me.’

‘Fine. I can’t because I don’t want to.’ Gilbert put down a cup of tea with so much force that Amator nearly jumped off his stool. ‘Have this, and if there’s nothing else, you can leave.’

Amator stared at him. Then he drank the tea, and tried to think. He wasn’t saying the right things, that much was obvious. 

‘Gilbert, I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘The night you left - I’ve had a while to think about it, and I know that you didn’t say anything to me that was wrong. But I didn’t say anything that was wrong either. I’m sorry you feel that I did. Please tell me why you are angry at me so that I may explain myself.’

‘What do you mean, you love me?’ Gilbert said instead.

‘I … feel a great deal of affection for you?’

‘You mean as a priest.’

‘No,’ Amator snapped. He took another sip of tea to calm down and remind himself of some of the things he had figured out about Gilbert while they had been apart. ‘I mean … romantically. I know you said you never cared for anyone before me except your sister - well, I’ve never cared for anyone the way I care for you, so you see, this is a new experience for the both of us.’

‘You’re so naïve, Amator,’ Gilbert said, echoing his own words. ‘How would _you_ know, if you were in love with someone?’

He shrugged. ‘How does anyone know they love someone, the first time it happens to them?’

Gilbert tried switching topics again. ‘You said that my opinion doesn’t matter to you because I don’t believe in the gods.’

‘ _You’re_ the one who said that!’

‘You agreed.’

‘You’d made me cross.’

‘All I did was translate your jumbled mess of a speech’

They glared at each other across the countertop.

‘Why did it bother you that it bothered me?’ Amator said.

This seemed to surprise Gilbert a lot more than Amator had thought it would.

‘I was just curious.’

‘I see. Simple curiosity lead you to insist on the question and threaten me with not leaving unless I answered. Quite natural, of course.’

‘Sarcasm? I didn’t know they taught priests that,’ Gilbert said in his most scathing tone, but Amator couldn’t miss that it was to hide his amusement.

‘It is one of the foremost things they teach assassins though, naturally.’

‘Why do _you_ think it bothered me then?’

‘I rather hoped it was because you cared for me, but I am willing to accept any alternative explanation.’

Gilbert gave him a blank stare. Amator had the impression that, behind it, he was turning things over in his mind.

‘After I left, I looked into the person who had taken out a contract on you,’ he said. ‘Us assassins who kill are never directly told who our “clients” are, the Conlegium acts as a middleman. I knew him - of course. He’s a man who believes in the gods in a superstitious sort of way. He doesn’t pray at temples or anything, but he believed the thing about death following you. His daughter was going to attend college somewhere near your temple and _she’s_ religious enough to worship at temples. I guess he wanted to get you out of the way so she wouldn’t be in danger if she visited your temple. So,’ Gilbert said seriously, ‘does _that_ offend you?’

‘I’m offended anyone wants to kill me at all,’ Amator said exasperatedly. ‘I’m a priest of the god of death, I don’t like people going against his law. But no, it doesn’t offend me that someone I’ve never met or known believes me to be a curse. Perhaps if he were here, and told me in person what he thinks of me, I would be upset. But … Gilbert, I can accept that you don’t believe in me or the gods because you don’t mention it or insist on it. If you tried to explain to me why you don’t believe, I would be more upset than if a hundred strangers told me they believed in the gods but not in me.’

‘So it’s just a matter of provocation?’ Gilbert said with a suspicion that Amator really thought wasn’t becoming of him. Gilbert was usually so cheerful and laid-back. He might be a lost lamb from a spiritual point of view, but he had always been a very agreeable one. 

‘It is some of my self-worth too, as I mentioned. But it is largely a matter of provocation. That is why I’ve always respected you. _You_ always respected _me_.’

‘Oh really?’ Gilbert walked around the counter and pulled out the stool next to him. When he sat down, Amator felt that it was supposed to be a mild act of submission. ‘You know what I like about _you_ , Amator? You believe in the goodness of everyone. Just by doing that, you spread goodness everywhere.’

‘Didn’t you say you hated that about me?’

‘I lied,’ Gilbert said unrepentantly. Amator laughed, and Gilbert smiled. ‘That night, I thought that if you’d cared for me, you would have been hurt to think I wanted to kill you. But you were just scared.’

‘I had known from the start that you were going to kill me, remember? I didn’t start to care for you until after the revelation. I’d become used to the idea by then.’

‘Didn’t you hope that, because I said I liked you, that I would change my mind and decide not to?’

‘I did, but I also felt I couldn’t possibly have taken it for granted. That is why I looked for you.’

‘Uh, you mean this search of yours that just ended?’

‘I mean the night you left. I wasn’t in the courtyard praying at three in the morning!’

‘ _I_ wouldn’t know. You were looking for me to confirm whether or not I was going to kill you?’

‘Vaguely. But I knew even then that I was mostly upset we had argued. I suppose I _was_ wrong to get angry at you then,’ he admitted, ‘when you were saying it didn’t matter. Though it _did_ matter to you. I could see it.’

‘No, it didn’t,’ Gilbert said sharply. ‘I was surprised, that’s all. I hadn’t thought of it before. I still don’t believe it.’

‘So you don’t hold it against me?’

‘I wouldn’t hold it against you even if I _did_ believe in the gods. If - if I believed in the gods, I would do it properly. I might not end up a priest, but I wouldn’t do it half-heartedly like that woman or my client do. So I would believe that you did my sister good.’

‘It’s a start,’ Amator said with a gentle smile. Gilbert frowned, but not at Amator. He was thinking again. ‘I don’t need you to believe to come with me. I just want your support. I know you wouldn’t let me run away if I was scared.’

‘Of course I wouldn’t. But you’re still forgetting that I’m in _hiding_. I _can’t_ go.’

‘You can!’ Amator protested. ‘You can keep yourself secret - or we can find a way around your contract. Can we not pay the Conlegium off or something?’

‘ _Where_ would you find the money to do that?’

‘I’m a priest, Gilbert. We’re trained to get money out of people. With their consent. For spiritual reasons.’

‘Amator.’ Gilbert took Amator’s arm in a tight grip and leaned forward so close that Amator felt his breath against his face. ‘If I come with you, you will _never_ get rid of me. Do you understand that?’

‘Y-yes, I do. That’s … sort of the point.’ Amator tried to breathe in to calm himself, but all he caught was a pleasantly mild scent of apples from Gilbert. It quite scattered his thoughts. ‘I don’t … want you to leave again. I’ll try to understand you better this time. We’ll _both_ make sure neither of us runs away.’

‘I _walked_ away from the temple,’ Gilbert said sternly.

‘Right.’

‘For good reason.’

‘Fine. We can run if we see assassins catching up to us.’

‘Fine.’

‘So it’s a deal?’

Gilbert visibly hesitated, then said, ‘Yes.’

And before Amator could reply, Gilbert kissed him. This time, however, Amator was ready. That is to say, he tried to kiss back, but because he had never kissed anyone before, probably rather poorly. Fortunately, Gilbert did not appear to mind. When he pulled away, he was smiling, and he squeezed both Amator’s arms affectionately.

‘You’re going to get us both killed,’ he said.

‘At least we’ll die in Nara-Kami’s way.’

‘Of course.’ He was being sarcastic, but not insultingly so. ‘An ex-assassin and a priest of the god of death, hm? It’s so absurd it might just work.’

‘I already know it will,’ Amator said, and leaned forward to try another kiss.


End file.
